Hi friends – on the show today, my producer Lynne Carlson and I talk about a New York Times article, “Mommy’s and Daddy’s Little Life Coach” – their kids. What are these people thinking??? Then there’s the Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger nightmare divorce. (If she released the tape of the phone call, she’s more vicious than he is!) But here’s the back story – this kind of bitterness in divorce isn’t the exception, it’s the norm. That’s because divorce rarely solves problems, it typically just creates new ones, especially if kids are involved.Here’s this week’s web contest for listeners to my show - I have a great gift certificate to Zika’s nails in Western Springs to give away! It’s for a pedicure, a $35 value. Between today and next Wednesday, tell me right here on my blog why you want that gift certificate for yourself, or guys for your wives or girlfriends (and while you are at it, let me know what you think of the show!)

The best answer (and let’s keep it clean) will win the gift certificate and be announced on the show next week. (Employees or family of employees at WYLL are not eligible, same if you’ve won a prize from my show in the last 30 days.)

I love hearing from you – thanks for listening!

Betsy’s column filed Thursday, April 19th
@Scripps Howard News Service

Ah, for the unerring wisdom of a child …

“It’s just the two of us,” said one single-mom physician in Manhattan of her daughter, age 11. “That makes her more like a partner in some ways than a child.”

That’s the crux of the recent piece in The New York Times by Stephanie Rosenbloom, “Mom and Daddy’s Little Life Coach.”

That mom is hardly the only one. Rosenbloom chronicles the rise in children who advise _ more like instruct _ their parents, on everything from relationships to real estate deals.

Another mother, who has a top job at a literary firm, seeks advice from her 17-year-old because the woman just respects “how she looks at the world.” The daughter says she “never feels like she’s stuck in the parent-child stereotype …”

And that would be bad … because why? I would argue that a whole lot of 17-year-olds would benefit by being in a parent-child “stereotype”!

One single mom says of her 17-year-old son: “he advises me on everything.”

Too bad for her and the others that even MRI studies show that teens use the part of their brains governed by emotions to make decisions, whereas adults are more likely to use the parts of their brains related to planning, judgment and executive function. In fact, those “adult function” areas are not fully formed in the brain until a person reaches his 20s.

We really didn’t need an MRI study to tell us this, did we?

As Rosenbloom points out, parents have often looked to their kids for advice, from clothes _ “Does this look frumpy?” _ to where they want to go on vacation, to help with installing a new software program.

My own children like to advise me on the fact that I am a terrible cook, we need a dog and we ought to take a vacation to Hawaii _ for starters.

But Rosenbloom says today’s trend is different. That both the scope and nature of “… child-to-parent advice has reached new proportions for a variety of reasons. Many parents _ who have shed their status as old fogy untouchables and become pals with their progeny _ are treating their offspring as worldly equals,” she writes.

One cause seems to be material bombardment, which is now oriented in such a way that “it sells everyone on the notion that children are smarter now than in previous generations,” Susan Linn, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, told the Times. There’s also the rise in single-parent families, with apparently many single parents (though not this one!) turning to their children to be their confidants. Maybe this is also about parents wanting to bond with their kids as pals because it’s not only “easier,” it makes Mom and Dad feel younger.

In any event, “we’re robbing children of childhood in some ways,” Linn said.

She’s right, but the trend is growing. Rosenbloom rightly ponders: What happens when these kids enter the work force? Will they be irritated when their managers don’t partner with them and seek their advice on all of the company’s decisions?

But I’m betting that one big reason for this shift is one not mentioned in the piece: the demise of religious tradition. The more we as a culture walk away from the latter and think we can do life on our own, the more we have to think our children come into the world inherently wise and virtuous _ because then that means we do, too.

Well, “As for me and my house,” to borrow from the Old Testament’s Joshua, I know that no matter how chaotic it may get around here, my kids are kids _ not my “partners” _ I’m the mom, and it’s for their sake that I have to care a whole lot more about whether they like me when they are 30 than when they are 13.

(Betsy Hart hosts the “It Takes a Parent” radio show on WYLL-AM 1160 in Chicago. She can be reached at www.BetsyHart.net.)

Hi! Today on “It Takes a Parent” I got to have one of my favorite people in the studio with me. Lynne Carlson, mom of 5, and many times a lifesaver to me. We’ve known each other for 30 years (ahem!) and it will be great to have her in the studio with me having some of the conversations we just like to have over the phone. Please listen, and let me know what you think. The person with the “best” comment (as chosen by me!) will win a signed copy of my book, “It Takes a Parent.”

And check out Susan Beacham’s website, www.msgen.com. She was a great guest today. Susan is the CEO of Money Savvy Generation, which is all about teaching kids use money wisely. There’s lots of life’s lesson and even Biblical truths we learn when we learn to use money well.

And by the way, speaking of April 19th, today would have been my mom’s birthday. She was the best. Thanks, mom. Thanks for listening and for letting me hear from you. Blessings to you -

Betsy Hart

NOTE: To listen to all of Betsy’s radio programs, click the “Webcast” link under “Categories” in the right-hand column.)

We just wanted to say thank you to Lloyd for letting us use a photo of one of his microphones for our “Radio Show” graphic.

He has quite a collection of antique microphones, which may be viewed here:

www.lloydmicrophoneclassics.com

Regards, Admin.

Win a signed copy of Betsy’s book, “It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting our Kids and What to do About it” by posting your comment or suggestion here. . . She’ll anounce the winner next week.

Hi Friends. On today’s show I talked about a great column by Rebecca Sweat from . . .
www. ChicagoParent.com about how our kids are growing up way too fast, that’s below. . .

http://chicagoparent.com/article.asp?aID=48050537.7239801.35334.3531262.4954122.416&aID2=2709

And that I was happy to see Haley dismissed from American Idol after Simon Cowell (you go, Dawg!) told her she wasn’t wearing enough clothes, and don’t forget – here in Illinois Tuesday, April 17th is election day. We have a responsibility to elect great schoolboard members for our kids, whether or not we have kids in public schools.

Plus, women and friendships – it turns out they make us live longer and be happier, in way that men don’t experience. So don’t neglect them!

As soon as Scripps Howard News posts my column on that subject, we’ll post it here.

And hey, if you haven’t seen the original “Cheaper by the Dozen,” rent it today. Your family will love it. I love that it portrays a positive father figure, not just some “bumbler” as our culture today so ofen portrays dads.

Leave a comment or post here about the show, and the best one (chosen by me!) will get a signed copy of my book. I’ll announce the winner on next week’s show.

Check back in a few hours for more updates, and the webcast of today’s program!

Betsy’s Column for the week of April 5th.
@ Scripps Howard News Service

I like classical music. Not as much as I like Rod Stewart classics, mind you, but well enough.

But I never bought into the notion, prevalent throughout my four children’s babyhood, that there was a small window of time to really shape a baby’s brain. And that flooding that brain with Mozart or other classical music during those years was one key way to make a baby smarter. That understanding was based on “research” in the 1990s that just always seemed … a little too easy to me.

Though apparently not to a lot of people. In the late 1990s, then-Gov. Zell Miller mandated that every new baby leaving a Georgia hospital be given a classical-music CD.

He said, “Listening to music at a very early age affects the spatial-temporal reasoning that underlies math and engineering and even chess.”

Really? States started pouring millions into baby education and resources, with the hope that reaching babies in the first months and years of life would help them do better in school later on. Whole companies developed “brainy baby” products that teased parents out of untold amounts of money in the belief that just the right educational toy, CD or gadget in those all-important first three years of life would give their baby that all-important leg up on … everything.

Well, finally somebody is showing a little smarts here after all. Sara Mead, a senior analyst at Education Sector, an education-policy think tank based in Washington, released her analysis this week, “Million Dollar Babies: Why Infants Can’t be Hardwired for Success.”

Mead writes that “there’s a problem … with the new conventional wisdom about building brighter babies: it’s based on misinterpretations and misapplications of brain research.”

She points out that the real evidence is that there’s no magic “brain development window” that closes after the first three years of life. That, in fact, focusing on that “magic” window may let us parents and our communities off the hook later on when what we do for our kids really matters. And so, for instance, she recounts director _ and so-called child advocate _ Rob Reiner arguing: “If we’re going to have a real impact on societal ills _ crime, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, welfare _ we’re going to have to focus in on the first three years of life. It’s problem-solving through the prism of zero to three.”

Like I said, some folks sure want it to be easy.

Mead goes on to lay out the overwhelming science for dumping the super-baby approach. But, she’s not the first. In 2005, Marina Krakovsky reported in the “Stanford Report” from Stanford University that while scientists had discredited the claims that Mozart affects babies’ brains, the belief in the “Mozart effect” had still exploded in popularity over the years, becoming a myth that couldn’t be dislodged.

As Krakovsky points out, the original Mozart-makes-baby-smarter theory came from a 1993 Nature journal report. It found a small and temporary (15-minute) increase in a college person’s IQ after listening to classical music. Babies were not studied.

Still, the Nature report _ along with other research that showed some major growth in a baby’s brain in those early years of life _ essentially ignited the “baby brain” rage. The “findings” made the cover of Newsweek, and were the basis of countless news articles.

I know, because my mother used to send them to me.

Unfortunately, I don’t think the baby-brain “wave” will end anytime soon. A new mom and dad don’t want to hear: “Trust your instincts, and just enjoy your baby. Your natural, loving interaction with him in those first years is all the stimulation he needs.”

Too many parents want to build a “better, stronger, smarter baby,” and they believe there is an expert out there who can help them do it.

Sadly, it seems many of today’s moms and dads want to believe that it takes an expert to raise a child _ maybe because, in a lot of ways, that’s just so much easier than believing it takes a parent.

(Betsy Hart hosts the new “It Takes a Parent” radio show on WYLL-AM 1160 in Chicago. She can be reached at www.BetsyHart.net.)

This week I spoke with Dr. Scott Cruise about getting a new pet. Hope you enjoy the show!

Hi Friends – I hope you got a chance to listen to the show today. I look forward to hearing your comments and suggestions for “It Takes a Parent” with Betsy Hart. Over the next week, I’ll choose one I find especially helpful, and that person will receive a signed copy of my book, “It Takes a Parent.” (If you’ve won something from my show over the last 30 days, you need to sit this one out!) Thanks so much.

Here are the links to the things we talked about today on the program:

Dr. Kruse works at the Village Vetinary practice of Clarendon Hills and Western Springs

http://www.villageveterinary.com/pages/Home.html

He recommended this web site for learning more about getting the right pet for your family

http://purina.com/

Here’s the link to the story about 5th graders having sex in class!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/03/school.sex.ap/index.html

Here’s the new essay by Sara Mead who explains we can put away our Baby Einstein tapes – and not feel guilty about it!

http://www.educationsector.org/analysis/analysis_show.htm?doc_id=469729#PDF

I talked about “Life in the Year 1000” and how in one chapter the authors reveal that – guess what? It was a lot warmer then than it is now.

How about those 5th graders. . . . Yikes!

Blessings to you – Betsy Hart

And remember, you can always click the “sponsors” button on the right to learn more about our good friends at the Huntington Learning Center of Lake Villa, and True North Mortgage Corporation of Arlington Heights.

Plus, we hope to start “webcasting” with this week’s show!

blessings to you and your family!

Betsy’s Column
released 3/29/07
@Scripps Howard News Service

It’s not your father’s exercise routine anymore.

Forget the fit body _ what about a fit brain?

New research is suggesting that whatever exercise does for one’s physique, there’s a benefit we’re understanding only now: exercise makes us smarter.

This isn’t just about exercise making us feel perkier and better able to focus. This is about the brain performing at a higher, better level, over time, in people who work their bodies.

So Newsweek just revealed in “Stronger, Faster, Smarter” by Mary Carmichael. She looked at the work of researchers like Dr. Charles Hillman, a neuroscientist at the University of Illinois. He and other scientists are discovering that brawn leads to the brain. And so in a study of grade-school students, for instance, he found that the most fit kids also did the best on statewide standardized tests, “even when factors such as socioeconomic status were taken into account.”

Just a few weeks ago, “researchers announced that they had coaxed the human brain into growing new nerve cells, a process that for decades had been thought impossible, simply by putting subjects on a three-month aerobic-workout regimen.” There are also growing indications that physical activity can stave off Alzheimer’s disease.

We’ve known for a long time that exercise sends blood to the brain, and that has benefits. What’s new? Well, as Carmichael lays it out, a lot. There’s new understanding that a chemical that’s produced with exercise, BDNF, “fuels almost all the activities that lead to higher thought.” Harvard psychiatrist John Ratey calls the molecule “Miracle-Gro for the brain.” Conversely, a brain that’s low on the Miracle-Gro “shuts itself off to new information,” as Newsweek put it.

Unfortunately, the kind of exercise I do _ intense, slow weightlifting _ may be great for strengthening thighs, but unfortunately it isn’t the most helpful for the brain, and no one knows why. Does running after four kids count? But at least it’s something.

Believe me, I’d drive myself to the bathroom if I could. Let’s just say that given how often I can’t seem to recall a name or find my car keys, I shudder to think where I’d be if I didn’t exercise at all.

Anyway, it’s the research on kids that really intrigues me. There, exercise probably has “a more long-lasting effect on brains that are still developing,” one expert explained.

As Hillman told me, there are clearly implications here for kids with conditions like ADHD for whom exercise, whether or not it’s combined with medication, can be especially useful in helping the brain overcome what may be abnormal wiring.

But this also has implications for the average youngster, for whom recess has been curtailed and playtime has too often been replaced by videogame time in recent years.

Perhaps, Hillman speculated to me, it may just be that we were designed for the physical and the mental to profoundly work together and reinforce each other. That it’s such a part of our make-up that when the former is thrown off because of a modern sedentary lifestyle, it deeply subverts the latter in ways we are only now beginning to understand.

Of course, Bill Gates and his cohorts who changed the world were the product of a generation that probably “sits around” more than any other in history. An irony? Well maybe there isn’t a paradox. Maybe we should just imagine what that generation could do if they were all in shape!

The bottom line, so to speak, is that in an age of obesity and desk jobs and kids parked in front of videogames, it’s worth reflecting on the incredible value, to the brain and the body, of just regularly going out and taking a fast walk. Or, maybe doing what my mom used to: kicking her five kids outside and saying, “Go play until I let you back in.”

(Betsy Hart is host of the new “It Takes a Parent” radio show on WYLL-AM 1160 in Chicago. She can be reached at www.BetsyHart.net.)