Don’t panic about yelling at your kids.

I sometimes meet people who pridefully say they never yell at their children. (I also don’t believe them.) I read “experts” who say how “terrible” it is to yell at and especially to lose one’s temper around the kids. I see the statistics that pretty much all parents at some point yell at their children, which shows the “experts” are often the ones out of touch with reality, and I especially hear from people who say “gosh, I yelled at the kids – I feel SO BAD” largely because the parenting experts tell them they should feel bad about it. And I say “wait a minute. . . ”

Sure, if you yelled when you shouldn’t have and certainly if you lost your temper, go apologize to your kids. But as long as you have a loving, affectionate relationship with them that’s not defined by (occasional) yelling, don’t worry about it so much. In fact, not all yelling – “get over here RIGHT NOW” – (as distinct from screaming) is bad. Sometimes kids need to know the situation is serious, and voice can communicate that, no apology necessary.

Nor are kids hothouse flowers that will shrivel up if they are yelled at. (Don’t we all remember it as kids?) But, if you NEVER yell, you might make them into a hothouse flower. Because your child will be yelled at someday by someone. A coach, a boss, a roomate. Sure, a lot of the times the yelling won’t be appropriate, but if our kids don’t learn how to handle it when it comes from someone who loves them, they may well shrivel up, or take it way too personally, when it comes from someone who doesn’t.

So don’t go looking for opportunities to yell at your kids (would any parent actually need to do that anyway?), apologize when you do step over the line, but don’t panic about it either. Enjoy your kids, without second guessing every move you make.
Remember, the days are long but the year are short!

Cheers – Betsy Hart