Arguing “for the feminine virtues of…keeping your clothes on and so valuing, and esteeming, one’s sexuality” leaves 50% of the responsibility for reckless sex scot free.

This is an outdated and intellectually dishonest tactic-holding women alone responsible for sex. While we should not go back to the lies of the 60s about the “freedom” of casual sex, we should also not go back to a history of scapegoating women so that men do not have to take responsibility for their sexual actions.

This is the 21st century. Instead of clinging to this “Eve Culpability” theory, how about equally shared responsibility? How about the Pope addressing the weakness and immorality of men who believe sex without commitment is just ducky? How about men holding their male friends and family members in contempt for living like hypocrites, blaiming women for the very same loose morals that deliver them their momentary sexual satisfaction?

Your column does not help move us ahead to a better view of sexual mores.

Hi E – I agree with you on so much! Men should be held accountable for valuing their own virtue, and a woman’s, every bit as much as a man should. In the eyes of God, there is NO difference. Sexual sin is sexual sin, my friend. I’m with you.

Yet the reality remains that men tend to be much more sexually driven than women. I believe that is the way God made us. Have you ever read the Biblical Song of Solomon? She sings great praises to the character virtues of her husband to be (though she certainly finds him physically attractive!) – he sings of her physical beauty.

I think God made us differently so that we could learn to love and respond to “other.” A man might have to learn sexual patience, and to genuinely love and care for a woman so that she might be able to respond to him better sexually. A woman might learn to love a man and respond to his physical needs because she wants to give, even when she thinks she doesn’t “want” to, because it’s not about “me.” (And she might learn how delightful that can be!)

It’s the seduction dance, it’s all about “other,” and it’s a delight within marriage.

Sadly our culture has taught women to deny their desire for the “dance.” It has taught women to be so sexually available outside of marriage that men no longer learn how to care for and love and be committed to a woman in order to love her fully. They no longer learn the dance either! How incredibly sad for both sexes.

I do not think men have changed. I think women have, or rather women have tried to change. I don’t think they want to at all. In the process all of us have all been debased and left empty.

Historically, women have been a great civilizer of men, whether we wanted to be or not. We were often the agent of men’s, well, “betterment” – of helping them to learn and appreciate “the dance.” We have largely abandoned that role, and both men and women have tragically suffered.

It’s for my daughters, and my son, and myself, and because I am so sure that they are true, that I write and say the things that I do – no matter how politically incorrect.

I hope that makes more sense now.

Thanks for writing – Cheers – Betsy