Comments on: Column - Is Leaving for “True Love” Worth It? http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/ Let’s look at things a little differently.... Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:16:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Betsy http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1242 Betsy Sat, 12 Apr 2008 14:54:07 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1242 Sherry, I cannot tell you how your missive touched me. I cannot encourage you enough to grow through where you are in your marriage now, to a better place. By the way, there is some wonderful research on how love/dopamine effects the brain. Here's a very funny piece (below) that makes what may be a very helpful point to you - at least it will make you laugh. Another thing that raises dopamine levels at least a bit for the one you should love? Doing things together that are very exciting or novel. Can you go on some adventure trip together, for instance? I know that marriage can be hard, but I know that seen rightly and as an opportunity to grow, that can be a gift to us. I'm single now - that was not my choice - but I was married for a long time and sadly, I do know what I am talking about here. So, hang in there and feel free to write back and let me know how you are doing! Blessings to you, and thank you for letting me know I helped you. Betsy Sherry, I cannot tell you how your missive touched me. I cannot encourage you enough to grow through where you are in your marriage now, to a better place.

By the way, there is some wonderful research on how love/dopamine effects the brain. Here’s a very funny piece (below) that makes what may be a very helpful point to you - at least it will make you laugh.

Another thing that raises dopamine levels at least a bit for the one you should love? Doing things together that are very exciting or novel. Can you go on some adventure trip together, for instance?

I know that marriage can be hard, but I know that seen rightly and as an opportunity to grow, that can be a gift to us. I’m single now - that was not my choice - but I was married for a long time and sadly, I do know what I am talking about here.

So, hang in there and feel free to write back and let me know how you are doing!

Blessings to you, and thank you for letting me know I helped you.

Betsy

]]> By: Sherry http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1241 Sherry Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:42:28 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1241 Dear Betsy, Your timing couldn't have been better. I want to thank you from the bottom of my hurting heart for your 'torn' column. You just saved my character and possibly my life. We're struggling in a marriage of 18 years and I have recently felt very 'connected' to another man. I don't see him or communicate with him except in a meeting setting but my brain is going crazy with the sparks via eye contact. I have been feeling so crazy focusing on the feelings that those sparks ignite but now realize it's just a dopamine response that feels good compared to the pain of my marriage. I will take that knowledge and will dedicate myself 'to finding real happiness where it best may be found' rather than indulging in "what if's" and fantasies that will wear out anyway. I hope I can express how grateful I am to you. This could have escalated into a terrible mistake. Thank you so much. Dear Betsy,
Your timing couldn’t have been better. I want to thank you from the bottom of my hurting heart for your ‘torn’ column. You just saved my character and possibly my life. We’re struggling in a marriage of 18 years and I have recently felt very ‘connected’ to another man. I don’t see him or communicate with him except in a meeting setting but my brain is going crazy with the sparks via eye contact. I have been feeling so crazy focusing on the feelings that those sparks ignite but now realize it’s just a dopamine response that feels good compared to the pain of my marriage. I will take that knowledge and will dedicate myself ‘to finding real happiness where it best may be found’ rather than indulging in “what if’s” and fantasies that will wear out anyway. I hope I can express how grateful I am to you. This could have escalated into a terrible mistake. Thank you so much.

]]> By: Betsy http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1227 Betsy Mon, 07 Apr 2008 01:40:02 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1227 Hi Amy - I've gotten lots of e-mails on this one. . . all so far in agreement. Thanks so much for letting me hear from you! Betsy Hi Amy - I’ve gotten lots of e-mails on this one. . . all so far in agreement. Thanks so much for letting me hear from you!

Betsy

]]> By: Amy http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1226 Amy Sun, 06 Apr 2008 01:21:37 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2008/04/04/column-is-leaving-for-true-love-worth-it/#comment-1226 I totally agreed with your column. I though that "Torn" should really consider therapy... at least two years of it. People should be loyal to whomever they marry. I had read a story in a book for teens, in which the author states that he had had a crush on a certain girl, but they broke up. And now, he says that he shouldn't have sweated the breakup, because then, he says, he wouldn't have met his wife and had his kids. His former girlfriend is also married, and is very happy for him. And to this day, they are good friends. I love your columns, Ms. Hart. They are always so full of meaning:-) I totally agreed with your column. I though that “Torn” should really consider therapy… at least two years of it.
People should be loyal to whomever they marry. I had read a story in a book for teens, in which the author states that he had had a crush on a certain girl, but they broke up. And now, he says that he shouldn’t have sweated the breakup, because then, he says, he wouldn’t have met his wife and had his kids. His former girlfriend is also married, and is very happy for him. And to this day, they are good friends.
I love your columns, Ms. Hart. They are always so full of meaning:-)

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