Comments on: The Danger of Over-Protecting Our Kids

By: gabi

gabi — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 02:48:43 +0000

I agree with you! I’m 19 years old and I have a caring but way overproteting mother. I can’t come home after 12. The only idea of going to the beach (wich is only 30 min. away)with friends is absurd. As a result from that I believe I have no sense of direction and feel like I haven’t enjoyed my youth at all.

By: lenona

lenona — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:09:54 +0000

In answer to Linda, I’d say it has a lot to do with the relatively recent social realization that child molestation has little to do with particular neighborhoods – or with strangers. This means parents are leery of familiar adults as they never were before, but it doesn’t mean that strangers are off the hook – they just get treated with slightly more suspicion than familiar adults, from force of old habits. However, as I indicated, that’s still a lot of suspicion compared to 40 years ago or so, when many parents hadn’t even heard of child molestation.

Unfortunately, this raises two painful issues.

One: How do we communicate to children that malicious lies will be punished even more severely than other lies without unduly frightening them into silence? After all, we can’t let them think they can make any accusation and be automatically believed. “Absolute power…..”

Two: Since there are, in fact, non-criminal adults who still bully children emotionally because they can (such as certain teachers), how do we teach children to stand up to them without undermining adult authority in general? Especially if the parent doesn’t feel quite right about filing a complaint?Kids whose parents keep ordering them to put up with bullying adults aren’t likely to say “no” loudly even when it’s an emergency.

By: linda

linda — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:01:52 +0000

Betsy, I enjoyed reading your article in the MetroWest Daily News. My daughters are now in their thirties, and I believe that they were the last generation to go out and play, have adventures, etc. on their own. Since then kids have been accompanied by their parents at all times. What I always ask my husband is, when we and our children were young, were there no dangerous (perverts) around? Why were we free to be out and about. Why is everyone afraid for their kids now? Have the numbers of “bad” people increased? That’s my question.

By: Betty Horn

Betty Horn — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:37:59 +0000

You are so right in this column! I am a 63 year old retired teacher who observed children who were observed constantly by protective parents and had my own theory that they suffered when they hit their late teens and early twenties and had never had any independence. My own sons (now in their late thirties) grew up on a farm and had the freedom to ride their horses all over the countryside. They learned to be careful because they were responsible for their own safety at that time. A very different experience from riding the subway but riding horses at age 9 or 10 did provide them a great deal of independence. I think they are stronger men because of those and other similar experiences. Somehow, society has come to believe that kids magically become grownups at age 18. It doesn’t work well unless they have gradually moved toward that independence. Kudos to you and Lenore Skenazy!