(That’s a whole column in itself but here’s my theory there: men are generally physically stronger, more aggressive and competitive than women. They can use that strength to protect a woman and children, or a society – the military, for instance – or they can use it to hurt those most vulnerable (they become criminals, they use that strength to hurt women etc.) I firmly believe that God designed women in such a way that we want men to lead and protect, and by desiring that good thing, we give them an outlet to use their strength – their testosterone – in a positive way.

So, then I think we desire that leadership in some way when it comes to our relationships. Personally, I figure if a fellow doesn’t have the guts or desire to pursue me, he’s not “good enough” for me (meaning he’s not “right” for me.) I just wouldn’t waste my time. But yes, I do return calls to boys!

Does that help?? Thanks for writing and have a great weekend.

Betsy

If you are judging “The Bachelor” as an exemplary relationship, that’s your first misguided assumption. It’s this breast hungry, chauvinistic society that has created shows like that which we Americans love to hate. I am very taken aback at your archaic view of relationships and courtship in this culture.

You stated, “historically it was up to a man to make his suit”, and historically women have not been able to vote, go to school or own land. Women have since evolved in their right to live freely and express themselves.

Why is it that if a man is pursuing a woman it is considered “manly” but a woman doing the same is “degrading” “pathetic” or “male hunting”? I’ll disregard your incendiary language and instead point out that there is a continuum for all behavior, and women can pursue just as subtly and tactfully as men can. Both sexes enjoy being desired, so why can’t a woman initiate or perpetuate conversation with a man who makes her happy? I do believe that healthy relationships can form through male pursuance, however that is not the only way.

It seems the motivation for this article (as I understand it: women getting the best that they deserve), is good-natured, however I just can’t understand how somebody could still possess such a chauvinistic attitude.

I’d like to try and understand your viewpoint, so a response would be greatly appreciated. I’ll even give your website a couple extra hits by checking in.

I’m very glad for your parents’ happiness, but hope your daughters, as they grow into adulthood, can open their minds to acting on what will make them happy, even if that means calling a boy.

http://thenononsenseman.mensnewsdaily.com/2009/03/08/chasing-pavlovian-sex-marc-h-rudov/

Last line: “Only mutual pursuit produces mutual respect.”

Granted, this is a man who resents ANY situation that might result in a man’s spending more money on a woman, long-term, than she does on him, but he makes good points.

There’s also a link to a Washington Post article by Tara Bahrampour about how women in the DC area are flatly refusing to date any unemployed man, even though there are obviously many unemployed men right now who are not slackers and could use some emotional support in their struggle to get a new job. The article is popping up elsewhere, too. However, I definitely feel that being a self-respecting adult – male or female – includes the right to weed out losers and to refuse to date them, as opposed to those who are simply down on their luck. Here’s what I said about it (comment 24):
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=3418&cp=3#comments

Quote: “If it’s OK for a man to refuse to date a woman who doesn’t at least show PROOF of the ability to rescue herself (financially), what’s wrong with women doing the same?”

After all, there ARE still those who frown at any sign of initiative from a woman, and most women would like to weed out such men in a hurry. I.e., “calling” on the phone can be interpreted to mean the boorish behavior you described, but many would interpret it to mean proscribing even a dating tactic as subtle as “I’m going to the town hall tonight – there’s a meeting about the zoning issue and I thought you might want to know so you can hear it.”

Besides, as one man pointed out a year ago or so on this blog, men who keep pursuing women who may or may not be acting coy could find themselves in legal trouble – or, at least, branded as boors. So they NEED signs from a woman that she’s truly interested. In short, as Miss Manners said, “pushy tactics are self defeating. The trick to a relationship is learning to move just slightly more slowly than one’s partner.” Of course, she meant both sexes when she said that.

I’m not saying that the romantic role of men-as-pursuer shouldn’t be given a chance before a woman assumes that a man is shy and needs strong hints. Just that there are plenty of circumstances where a modest woman could easily lose a man she desires due to his misinterpretation of her message – such as when she’s the only woman in his neighborhood who isn’t throwing herself at him or even speaking to him before being spoken to.