Comments on: Rising to the unexpected “Adventure” of Single Parenthood http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/ Let’s look at things a little differently.... Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:31:31 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Mitsy http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2510 Mitsy Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:48:55 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2510 After reading the letter about the husband walking out, I kept waiting to hear the part about Betsy finding a great guy later in life. Maybe that remains to be seen yet. However, I think this is an opportunity to not only know that women can go on with their lives when the husband bails, it's a chance to bring up the obvious white elephant that is missing from this letter. That is that many men don't have the maturity, guts, or staying power to honor their commitments of family, marriage, and being a man of honor. I believe somewhere along the line, men have not been taught this concept or society is turning out very selfish men who have no conscience or any sense of a moral compass about what is right and what is wrong. I've seen this happen on many levels..with men I've dated and with my many friends who have gone through similar situations that Betsy has gone through. No, it doesn't take a man to have happiness, but most women want a significant other in their lives to help them, nurture them, and to love. I'm still striving to find that right guy myself. Fortunately, I never married any of my Mr. Wrongs but learned that it isn't just a few men who are like Betsy's ex-husband--there are thousands if not millions of men who fit this me-centered mentality that is so prevalent today. I think it's time that Moms and Dads instill in their sons what it means to be a stand-up kind of guy and that wedding vows are not something you simply walk away from when you have a mid-life crisis or any other meltdown. Life is tough and more women rise to the occasion than men do. Sad but true. After reading the letter about the husband walking out, I kept waiting to hear the part about Betsy finding a great guy later in life. Maybe that remains to be seen yet. However, I think this is an opportunity to not only know that women can go on with their lives when the husband bails, it’s a chance to bring up the obvious white elephant that is missing from this letter. That is that many men don’t have the maturity, guts, or staying power to honor their commitments of family, marriage, and being a man of honor. I believe somewhere along the line, men have not been taught this concept or society is turning out very selfish men who have no conscience or any sense of a moral compass about what is right and what is wrong. I’ve seen this happen on many levels..with men I’ve dated and with my many friends who have gone through similar situations that Betsy has gone through. No, it doesn’t take a man to have happiness, but most women want a significant other in their lives to help them, nurture them, and to love. I’m still striving to find that right guy myself. Fortunately, I never married any of my Mr. Wrongs but learned that it isn’t just a few men who are like Betsy’s ex-husband–there are thousands if not millions of men who fit this me-centered mentality that is so prevalent today. I think it’s time that Moms and Dads instill in their sons what it means to be a stand-up kind of guy and that wedding vows are not something you simply walk away from when you have a mid-life crisis or any other meltdown. Life is tough and more women rise to the occasion than men do. Sad but true.

]]> By: Betsy http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2508 Betsy Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:39:22 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2508 Hi Veta - thanks so much for writing! My heart goes out to you and your dear children. I do know exactly what you are going through. I will tell you that it has not taken me 5 years to get here. I would say that after a year the world really started to change for the better for me. I just think that all of life is a journey - and 5 years seemed a good time to touch base in my column. Who knows how I'll feel after 10 years?? I'm guessing that you are much younger than I was when this hapenned. I think that's a blessing to you. I also think it's possible to have anger and compassion at the same time. Think about all that your ex is MISSING. I think that will help you. Please keep in touch with me and let me know if there is anything I can say or do that would be helpful. Blessings to you - Betsy Hi Veta – thanks so much for writing! My heart goes out to you and your dear children. I do know exactly what you are going through. I will tell you that it has not taken me 5 years to get here. I would say that after a year the world really started to change for the better for me. I just think that all of life is a journey – and 5 years seemed a good time to touch base in my column. Who knows how I’ll feel after 10 years??

I’m guessing that you are much younger than I was when this hapenned. I think that’s a blessing to you. I also think it’s possible to have anger and compassion at the same time. Think about all that your ex is MISSING. I think that will help you.

Please keep in touch with me and let me know if there is anything I can say or do that would be helpful.

Blessings to you – Betsy

]]> By: Veta Charles http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2507 Veta Charles Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:33:35 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2507 Hi Betsy, My mom gave me your article to read in hopes that it may help me see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. My husband left our family last October, leaving me with a newborn (now 9 months) and a 4 year old to raise. The resentment is high some days and other days I feel like I could forgive and forget if he would just come back and help me raise these kids. I am happy to hear that you feel that your kids are doing better than OK after the whole ordeal. I am also glad that you spoke about your faith, I have relied on it a great deal. This is not supposed to be my life, if I were someone looking at me, I would tell me to get it together and I am most of the time, but I do get down sometimes. I heard from a divorced friend that it took her about 5 years to get over her ex and from the title of your article about 5 years for you to retrospectively feel that it has all worked out for the best. I guess for me knowing that I have another 4 years of feeling like I do is of no great comfort. Hi Betsy, My mom gave me your article to read in hopes that it may help me see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. My husband left our family last October, leaving me with a newborn (now 9 months) and a 4 year old to raise. The resentment is high some days and other days I feel like I could forgive and forget if he would just come back and help me raise these kids. I am happy to hear that you feel that your kids are doing better than OK after the whole ordeal. I am also glad that you spoke about your faith, I have relied on it a great deal. This is not supposed to be my life, if I were someone looking at me, I would tell me to get it together and I am most of the time, but I do get down sometimes. I heard from a divorced friend that it took her about 5 years to get over her ex and from the title of your article about 5 years for you to retrospectively feel that it has all worked out for the best. I guess for me knowing that I have another 4 years of feeling like I do is of no great comfort.

]]> By: Susan Kuchinskas http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2505 Susan Kuchinskas Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:42:47 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2505 I think about this a lot: how to find the boundary between protection and self-reliance. Like you, I had a lot of freedom as a kid. Now, I live in Berkeley, one of the most socially-policed towns in the U.S. When our city council voted to include pollinator-friendly plants in parks, people protested that kids might get stung by bees. When I was a kid, we expected to be stung at least once a summer. On the other hand, we have access to so much more information now. We are more aware of what can go wrong. I bet my parents never heard of anaphylactic shock; I know all about it, and have some sympathy for those worried about bee stings. Every generation of parents raises kids for a world they won't really understand. But resilience of all kinds will surely remain an important and useful trait. I think about this a lot: how to find the boundary between protection and self-reliance. Like you, I had a lot of freedom as a kid. Now, I live in Berkeley, one of the most socially-policed towns in the U.S. When our city council voted to include pollinator-friendly plants in parks, people protested that kids might get stung by bees. When I was a kid, we expected to be stung at least once a summer.

On the other hand, we have access to so much more information now. We are more aware of what can go wrong. I bet my parents never heard of anaphylactic shock; I know all about it, and have some sympathy for those worried about bee stings.

Every generation of parents raises kids for a world they won’t really understand. But resilience of all kinds will surely remain an important and useful trait.

]]> By: John Karnuth http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2492 John Karnuth Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:18:29 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2492 I happened to catch your column in the Sun-Times about the anniversary of your husband leaving. I just wanted to say I was touched by it. You and I are polar opposites in terms of socio-economic and political views. I know that I had an email tussle with you several years ago over the Iraq war, which I opposed and you supported, where called me anti-American. But when it comes to raising kids, I'm sure there are more similarities between us and really between most liberal and conservative types. Best of luck to you in your continued success of being a parent. John Karnuth I happened to catch your column in the Sun-Times about the anniversary of your husband leaving. I just wanted to say I was touched by it. You and I are polar opposites in terms of socio-economic and political views. I know that I had an email tussle with you several years ago over the Iraq war, which I opposed and you supported, where called me anti-American. But when it comes to raising kids, I’m sure there are more similarities between us and really between most liberal and conservative types.

Best of luck to you in your continued success of being a parent.

John Karnuth

]]> By: Betsy Hart http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2480 Betsy Hart Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:59:57 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2480 Hi Mary - if I remember right, he was responding to the kids coming up with all kinds of excuses for why they didn't win, and the reality was the other team was better, and he let the kids know it. I don't have a problem with that, but I do agree the kids and I are doing surprisingly well and have drawn very close as a family in the last five years! Hi Mary – if I remember right, he was responding to the kids coming up with all kinds of excuses for why they didn’t win, and the reality was the other team was better, and he let the kids know it. I don’t have a problem with that, but I do agree the kids and I are doing surprisingly well and have drawn very close as a family in the last five years!

]]> By: Mary http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/comment-page-1/#comment-2478 Mary Fri, 19 Jun 2009 05:23:10 +0000 http://www.betsysblog.com/wordpress/2009/06/18/rising-to-the-adventure-of-single-parenthood/#comment-2478 Many years ago, you wrote a column recounting how your children lost a soccer game and your husband told them it was because they weren't good enough. You defended him at the time, but I wondered if he expressed the same lack of compassion toward YOUR endeavors. A few years later, hearing you report that you were no longer married to him, I wasn't surprised. Both you and your children are probably much happier without him. Many years ago, you wrote a column recounting how your children lost a soccer game and your husband told them it was because they weren’t good enough. You defended him at the time, but I wondered if he expressed the same lack of compassion toward YOUR endeavors. A few years later, hearing you report that you were no longer married to him, I wasn’t surprised. Both you and your children are probably much happier without him.

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